A friend gave a great gift recently. Her gift was information, background and perspective on something that had been troubling me for a long time. Her gift liberated me; freed me from all the ruminations I've been grappling with. Cryptic, I know, but I don't feel I want to share more. Except to say that sometimes a real friend holds back (rightly so) and other times comes forward with much needed feedback. I've already made it through the crisis, but her honesty with me freed me from the fear of ever having to doubt myself over this again. Ever.
Which leads me to this quote, "It is not my destiny to be self-sacrificing for fear of disappointing someone or hurting other people, but instead my responsibility to protect, love, and honor my well-being and happiness."
That's really all any of us can do. If everyone took full ownership of that, think how much simpler our communications could be. Could you honor that in someone else? It's a fine line, a 2 inch Wallenda, if you will. How to protect oneself while staying open to serving others. (No doubt mental health workers grapple with this every day.) Like the burnt out mother who snaps at her children and just needs a respite. Like the overworked, overburdened employee who once found the job a challenge and a joy and now has completed disengaged. Where did the self-care go? Where's the balance?
In all of this activity of dating I am doing, I would do well to remember, and act on, the honoring of my well-being and happiness, above all else. It is the only thing I can do to remain true and authentic, to have a real me, present, when the time comes to love.
Yesterday I read a great post about NICE girls & boys. It was called How Being Good Can be a Curse and it speaks to all the barriers to good self-care that have been drummed into us since we were knee-high to a grasshopper. At the end, she asks readers, "Are you are ready to give yourself permission to be YOU? If not, what are you waiting for?" What, indeed. For someone like me, who has spent a life-time trying to read others' needs and address them ahead of my own, the work is going to be hard. But I'm willing to begin.
